Letter From The Heart
by AnyOtherWay
Summary: Post 5x10. Blair writes Chuck a letter whilst he is in a coma. Let him live.


Dear Chuck,

You are lying in front of me in a hospital bed. Tubes coming in and out of you from all directions. Blood seeping from your head, you're your arms, your torso, your legs.

There is so much blood.

That's what the doctors have said. That you've lost too much blood. That you're in a terrible shape. That it would take a miracle for you to wake up. But you have to wake up. Please wake up. For me.

I need you now more than ever. The doctors have come and checked me out (not in that way you dirty chauvinist basshole). But it's okay. When you wake up, we'll go through this together.

A few weeks ago you showed up at my house and apologised. Now, with hindsight, I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. In fact, I'm sorry about a lot of things. Just a few hours ago you said that timing isn't your strong point. Well, it certainly isn't mine either.

Remember before summer, the night of Cotillion? Back when everything was simpler and we were a tad more naïve… I should have said something when you interrupted me. I should have told Louis that it was over then. I should never have let you let me go. Then all of this would never have happened.

You see Chuck, you and I are magnetic. Whatever we do, however much we avoid each other, there will always be something pulling us in. I understand that now Chuck. I really do. I need you to wake up, because without you I will always just be a half. I need you to complete me.

I know you have always wanted me to be happy, which is also the reason that you let me go, but I don't care anymore. I've been thinking a lot, sitting here by you, thinking about memories of us, that I've never been happier than that day, outside of your hotel with you holding carrying a beautiful bouquet of peonies and so many gifts. And yes, I do love my gifts, but the best one was when you told me that you loved me.

I love you. I will always love you Chuck. So much it makes my heart ache.

You've always been the strong one. You carry people. You carry me. It breaks me to see you so vulnerable like this. Everyone is here for you. Lily, Serena, Nate... even Dan. We will all be shattered if you leave us like this. Because that's not how it's supposed to end.

You can't leave me. You can't.

The best time of my life has always been with you. Remember that summer? That was the most happiest I've ever been. And when summer ended, that's when things distracted us and we become dark and twisted. But the whole world seems perfect when it's just you and me. That's when I'm happy, and that's when you're happy.

You said to me that you were sorry I couldn't be happy with you. That doesn't matter Chuck. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I really only love Louis for his title. So I could be a princess. Our first date didn't exactly go too well. I only ended up liking him because he was a prince.

He was the right love.

But it doesn't mean that it was the great one. With the right love, the fairytale facade would disappear within months. The right love will just mean that there are no games. No scheming. No dancing. Can you imagine that in a year of dating, he didn't dance with me at all? Most of all, the right love would be boring. In fairytales the prince and the princess live happily ever after.

I don't want that anymore.

Because I love you. I love every part of you.

You are the great love. The all-consuming love. The love who is intoxicating and powerful. The great love, when fused together is a force to be reckoned with. We have schemes. We have games. Our love is potent. I can't stop it. I have to give in.

We play dress-up despite being twenty years old. We kiss in provocative clothing in front of an elite audience. We have hate sex on pianos. We make out in limos. We make love. We have our arguments. I steal your shoes. We cuddle tenderly in bed, hugging each other close, never wanting to let go. We can be chaste. Your kisses make me flustered, exhilarated and shy all in one. Your scent stays on me even after washing it off. I love your neck as much as you love mine.

If you go, there will be nobody else for either of us.

All the times you have been there for me. Held me. Kissed me better. It is invaluable. The more I think about the times we had makes me more upset for the time we didn't have. I'm sorry for bringing back a new boy to make you jealous. I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you. I'm sorry for not taking you back. I'm sorry for manipulating you. I'm sorry for telling you that I didn't love you when I clearly did. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you got shot. I'm sorry that I ruined your love with Eva when you didn't for me. Ever.

I'm sorry for the tears on this letter smudging the ink.

It's just that the more I delve into the past, the more of it seems to be my fault. I should have just been open with you from the start. I promise when you wake up, because you will, there will be no more secrets. I want you to know everything. I don't want to ruin our relationship again.

Chuck, I wish we could go back in time with hindsight and start again. I wish I would have known then what is now. I wish I could go and tell my seventeen year old self that you will become an amazing, sensible, guilt-free man. Because then I could only see the negative. I wish I could have told you the truth sometimes instead of lying. I wish we could have been together for longer.

I don't know why I'm writing in the past tense because I know that you will wake up. I'll be waiting right here, holding your frozen hands. Watching your chest being pumped up and down by a machine. Staring at the lone bag of blood connected to tubes in your veins...It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay.

I love you so much, it consumes me.

Please live,

Blair

A/N: Just finished watching the episode about two hours ago and with personal circumstances and the emotion of 5x10 I couldn't keep this within me for much longer... What do you think? Does it seemed to rushed? Oh and what do you think will happen in Jan! Chuck must life :'(... If Chuck gets amnesia I will be annoyed beyond belief... Make my day and leave a review XOXO


End file.
